goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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