I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
