What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
