I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize