when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
