sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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