Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
