he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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