youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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