Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
