we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize