ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
