I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
