you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
