dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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