I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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