I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
