I wannas sexs uuuuu
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
