Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I want to fling myself into the sun
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
