I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am naked and annoyed.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
