wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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