If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
