I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
