You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
