Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
