shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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