it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
