i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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