I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's the barista slut.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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