why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
