just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
