just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
