would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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