Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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