My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
