thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
