well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
