I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
ugly people sure do ruin things
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
