I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
