Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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