I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
