I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You can't special order awesome
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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