Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
