Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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