So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Two words: nipple clamps
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