We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
pray to the hookup gods
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
