my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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