CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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