its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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