Everything about him screamed your future.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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