I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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