My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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