I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
