she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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