my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
