I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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