Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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