About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
