I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
