Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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