just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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