Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
