that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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