Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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