I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
