and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
