Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
