Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
