omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
