GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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