repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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