Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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