I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
