Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can you bring me the toilet please
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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