the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
