she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
