how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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