I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
