using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
