Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
