do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
