Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
