Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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