So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
