Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
