I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
