So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
