I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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