The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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