Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
