drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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