Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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