the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
