if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
