Pregnant stripper...not hot.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
