Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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