OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
