Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
