I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
