you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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