is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
