You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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