HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
