He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
