Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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