he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
