watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
thus making me awesome and them whores
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
