So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
