how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
