Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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