At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
