Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
